Well I’ve talked about how to find one, and how they come about but really are there any ways to stop these fanged annoyances nomming on you in the night? Apparently there might be.

Garlic is not just good to keep the flies away but a potentially wonderful way to avoid loosing a couple of pints of the red stuff or even mustard seeds on the roof. Not everyone is a fan of the smell though so if you think it will keep your genuine house guests away they don’t really like consecrated grounds, some are adverse to running water so perhaps a moat around the bungalow will help?

Whilst apparently rather good looking and sexy in many tales, they don’t all get the luxury of a reflection and mirrors might even cause them to stay away too. Personally if I look like a nightmare after one nights sleep I can imagine that has little to do with the lack of reflection…

Another one that you might like is that in many traditions the vampire can only enter if invited. Don’t make the mistake of letting someone in without testing, though if they come armed with straight-jackets you might want to be careful about how you test them. And also don’t be fooled that they only come out at night, there’s no written lore to say
this is always the case.

Vampire Hunting

On to the fun part! How do you take them out? Well stakes through the heart seem popular, pretty effective on the living too I’d say. Other reports have suggested a stake through the mouth too but this seems more prevalent in Russia and Northern Germany. For a comedy image you can “deflate” the vampire by piercing the chest, I quite like the idea of them going into Theme Hospital with this. It reminds me of the Floaty Head syndrome where they popped their head with a pin.

A sure fire method appears to be decapitation, you can bury the head between their feet, or behind the buttocks (don’t ask I have no idea). There’s also spiking them into the coffin as another way to stop them rising.

A fantastic find in Venice, 2006, was discovered in a 16th Century burial where a brick was forced into the mouth of a female corpse. It is attributed to a possible vampire slaying.

There are a series of varying vampire hunting kits that have floated around, some are well made fakes, others rather modernised. E-bay can sometimes find you a kit for a few hundred to a few thousand pounds depending on your hunter budget. (I guess I’ll just have to accept my lot!)


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